Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
