How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
