you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
