M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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