Don't you send me to vm
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
