You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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