you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
