Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
