Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.