So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.