The maid of honor just puked.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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