Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it