it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize