I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
