i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
