Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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