i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
