is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
