Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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