it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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