last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Randomize
