is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
