guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize