Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
