discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
