No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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