I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
