ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
