Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
