May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
