Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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