can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize