The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she peed on how many people?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
