I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
