we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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