just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
