Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
