idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
