so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
