This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
