Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
