how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
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We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.