im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME