I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha