I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
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keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.