god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long