shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
