Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the liver wants what the liver wants
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been