Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
did you just send me my own nude
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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