I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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