2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank