I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.