Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

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(210): View more from Texas

I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.

(1-210): View more from Texas

I love milkshakes.

(210): View more from Texas

Not the point.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.

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23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(443): View more from Maryland

Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.

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(614): View more from Ohio

He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?

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(503): View more from Oregon

I wish I could just hang out in ERs.

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(904): View more from Florida

I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?

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