did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.