Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"

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  (408): man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt" http://tfl.nu/3qgn
  Replies (22) Good night (959) Bad night (3384)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I've decided to bang my pen-pal.

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  (210): I've decided to bang my pen-pal. http://tfl.nu/dcyn
  Replies (35) Good night (3923) Bad night (654)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!

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  (712): He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!! http://tfl.nu/bjv4
  Replies (15) Good night (819) Bad night (5399)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now

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  (908): Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now http://tfl.nu/hukx
  Replies (10) Good night (5341) Bad night (1149)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.

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  (623): My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck. http://tfl.nu/ymmz
  Replies (24) Good night (4499) Bad night (2299)
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  (894): View more from

  just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit

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  (894): just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit http://tfl.nu/2422
  Replies (16) Good night (7306) Bad night (941)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved

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  (480): Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved http://tfl.nu/be00
  Replies (2) Good night (1048) Bad night (2284)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.

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  (347): Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times. http://tfl.nu/buvd
  Replies (5) Good night (565) Bad night (1281)
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  (415): View more from California

  you should be awarded for your promiscuity.

  (1-415): View more from California

  i really should.

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  (415): you should be awarded for your promiscuity. (1-415): i really should. http://tfl.nu/3phz
  Replies (4) Good night (987) Bad night (538)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.

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  (401): I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things. http://tfl.nu/cr6r
  Replies (4) Good night (1621) Bad night (469)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.

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  (636): Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present. http://tfl.nu/1iee
  Replies (10) Good night (2666) Bad night (591)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall

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  (708): At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall http://tfl.nu/xpwv
  Replies (5) Good night (441) Bad night (926)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?

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  (780): So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over? http://tfl.nu/dz02
  Replies (5) Good night (1024) Bad night (407)
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  (+52): View more from Mexico

  I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth

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  (+52): I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth http://tfl.nu/hxek
  Replies (2) Good night (318) Bad night (652)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing

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  (717): I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing http://tfl.nu/zf0p
  Replies (1) Good night (363) Bad night (243)

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