smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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