i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
