It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
