we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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