i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize