You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
