I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
