I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
