i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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