some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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