soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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