he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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