Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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