Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
