No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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