i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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